GILES: I was hoping that I wouldn't have to. That there was... some way around it. I...
BUFFY: I've got a way around it. I quit!
ANGEL: It's not that simple.
BUFFY: I'm making it that simple! I quit! I resign, I-I'm fired, you can find someone else to stop the Master from taking over!
GILES: I'm not sure that anyone else can. All the... the signs indicate...
BUFFY: The signs? (throws a book at him) READ ME THE SIGNS! (throws another one) TELL ME MY FORTUNE! YOU'RE SO USEFUL SITTING HERE WITH ALL YOUR BOOKS! YOU'RE REALLY A LOTTA HELP!
GILES: No, I don't suppose I am.
ANGEL: I know this is hard.
BUFFY: What do you know about this? You're never gonna die!
ANGEL: You think I want anything to happen to you? Do you think I could stand it? We just gotta figure out a way...
BUFFY: I already did. I quit, remember? Pay attention!
GILES: Buffy, if the Master rises...
BUFFY: I don't care! (calms down) I don't care. Giles, I'm sixteen years old. I don't wanna die.
In this scene from the 12th episode of season 1, Buffy has just overheard a conversation between Giles and Angel in which they are discussuing a prophecy found in the Codex. This prophecy points to The Slayer's (Buffy) death at the hands of The Master. Giles discovered and interpretted this prophecy earlier but withheld his findings from her to protect Buffy. But now, as he was sharing his findings with Angel, Buffy overhears.
And Buffy will have not part of this prophecy. Buffy isn't ready to live out this calling, this calling to death. She is after all a teenager, right? She's got so much to live for. She never asked for this vocation, and yet she is being asked to give it all up and just take it. But Buffy is not going to just take it. She declares, "I've got a way around it. I quit!"
This response to vocation and calling is all too common. In the Biblical story we read time and time again of folks who resisted or even ran away from their vocational callings. Characters like Moses, Peter, and most noteably Jonah capture this denial. In Jonah 1 we read, "Now the word of the LORD came to Jonah son of Amittai, saying, "Go at once to Nineveh, that great city, and cry out against it; for their wickedness has come up before me." But Jonah set out to flee to Tarshish from the presence of the LORD. He went down to Joppa and found a ship going to Tarshish; so he paid his fare and went on board, to go with them to Tarshish, away from the presence of the LORD. "
Jonah, like Buffy, learned of what he was being called to do, and he ran, just like Buffy in Prophecy Girl. She declares to Giles and Angel that she quits, and that's truly what she intends to do. In the next scene she is in her room when her mother comes in sensing something's up (as mother often do). Buffy, after brief small talk, asks her mother if they can go away - anywhere, right now. Buffy wants to run - to deny her vocation - because it seems hard. She just doesn't want to do it!
But in the running, both Jonah and Buffy come into contact with 'voices' that call them to acknowledge who they are at their deepest points - who and what they are called to be. Jonah heeds the call of the Lord to go to Ninevah and proclaim the word of the Lord. Buffy, after talking with her close friend Willow, understands that the pain her friend is experiencing can be prevented from occuring again by answering her call.
Jonah and Buffy understand that by living fully into their vocational callings they are placing themselves in much danger, even death. But they both acknowledge that they can't help but be who they are, who they were created to be.
Vocationally, we often run from what we feel we are being called to. We may be afraid, we may be tired, we may feel unworthy, or ill-equipped. And so we do what is a natural instinct - run!
Have you ever run from your vocation, your calling? Why?
What 'voices' in your life have helped you to understand where you needed to be or what you are called to do?
4 comments:
It's interesting that I didn't read this until today, which has been a really tough day. It's actually been a day when I was thinking "Ok, I quit". I'm just gonna move my daughter to a place where we'll be healthier and I don't have to deal with the burden of this vocation.
BUT...how we live our vocation in the midst of brokenness is key here...and what I'm living in right now.
I've been away from Church for a while now.
I know that my daughter and I should and need to be going but a malaise has settled over my spirit and I have a petulant feeling of not WANTING to be there. (I quit!)
I have been denying that "little voice" calling to me. Oh, I have no reason to doubt that I WILL return- I just want to do it in my own time and on my own terms. Silly, girl! :)
I'm stubborn. That's the biggest reason I get in my own way and run from a call from God in my vocation. I think I know what is best for me (which is not often true) and in fact it is God who always knows. Often times it's because I don't want to do something or something doesn't appeal to me - like death didn't appeal to Buffy. In fact, death doesn't appeal to many of us and there are often times when following God's call, following our vocation, is death to some part in our lives. But sometimes we need to decide that the result of following that vocation is worth that death.
I was eighteen years old, when my vocation had a turning point. Jeremiah's call gave me some support in this issue. He feels himself too young, and probably not ready for accepting the call. I intentionally searched for reasons why I am not able to get and receive a vocation. I thought that I had a chance to simply ignore the calling of God, but I couldn't, because vocation probably does not "start" when we become aware of it. It is a kind of status, in which we are so involved that we cannot get rid of it. Like Buffy I wanted to quit or ignore this vocation. But why did I feel that I cannot escape from the calling of God? I will have the vocation, even if I do not want to be aware of it. Is God's plan rooted somewhere I cannot imagine? Jer 1:5 makes me think about that ("Before I formed you in the womb I knew you...,")
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