GILES: I was hoping that I wouldn't have to. That there was... some way around it. I...
BUFFY: I've got a way around it. I quit!
ANGEL: It's not that simple.
BUFFY: I'm making it that simple! I quit! I resign, I-I'm fired, you can find someone else to stop the Master from taking over!
GILES: I'm not sure that anyone else can. All the... the signs indicate...
BUFFY: The signs? (throws a book at him) READ ME THE SIGNS! (throws another one) TELL ME MY FORTUNE! YOU'RE SO USEFUL SITTING HERE WITH ALL YOUR BOOKS! YOU'RE REALLY A LOTTA HELP!
GILES: No, I don't suppose I am.
ANGEL: I know this is hard.
BUFFY: What do you know about this? You're never gonna die!
ANGEL: You think I want anything to happen to you? Do you think I could stand it? We just gotta figure out a way...
BUFFY: I already did. I quit, remember? Pay attention!
GILES: Buffy, if the Master rises...
BUFFY: I don't care! (calms down) I don't care. Giles, I'm sixteen years old. I don't wanna die.
In this scene from the 12th episode of season 1, Buffy has just overheard a conversation between Giles and Angel in which they are discussuing a prophecy found in the Codex. This prophecy points to The Slayer's (Buffy) death at the hands of The Master. Giles discovered and interpretted this prophecy earlier but withheld his findings from her to protect Buffy. But now, as he was sharing his findings with Angel, Buffy overhears.
And Buffy will have not part of this prophecy. Buffy isn't ready to live out this calling, this calling to death. She is after all a teenager, right? She's got so much to live for. She never asked for this vocation, and yet she is being asked to give it all up and just take it. But Buffy is not going to just take it. She declares, "I've got a way around it. I quit!"
This response to vocation and calling is all too common. In the Biblical story we read time and time again of folks who resisted or even ran away from their vocational callings. Characters like Moses, Peter, and most noteably Jonah capture this denial. In Jonah 1 we read, "Now the word of the LORD came to Jonah son of Amittai, saying, "Go at once to Nineveh, that great city, and cry out against it; for their wickedness has come up before me." But Jonah set out to flee to Tarshish from the presence of the LORD. He went down to Joppa and found a ship going to Tarshish; so he paid his fare and went on board, to go with them to Tarshish, away from the presence of the LORD. "
Jonah, like Buffy, learned of what he was being called to do, and he ran, just like Buffy in Prophecy Girl. She declares to Giles and Angel that she quits, and that's truly what she intends to do. In the next scene she is in her room when her mother comes in sensing something's up (as mother often do). Buffy, after brief small talk, asks her mother if they can go away - anywhere, right now. Buffy wants to run - to deny her vocation - because it seems hard. She just doesn't want to do it!
But in the running, both Jonah and Buffy come into contact with 'voices' that call them to acknowledge who they are at their deepest points - who and what they are called to be. Jonah heeds the call of the Lord to go to Ninevah and proclaim the word of the Lord. Buffy, after talking with her close friend Willow, understands that the pain her friend is experiencing can be prevented from occuring again by answering her call.
Jonah and Buffy understand that by living fully into their vocational callings they are placing themselves in much danger, even death. But they both acknowledge that they can't help but be who they are, who they were created to be.
Vocationally, we often run from what we feel we are being called to. We may be afraid, we may be tired, we may feel unworthy, or ill-equipped. And so we do what is a natural instinct - run!
Have you ever run from your vocation, your calling? Why?
What 'voices' in your life have helped you to understand where you needed to be or what you are called to do?
